Archive for August, 2008

Chapter Four

Suspicious eyes seemed all about me, following me wherever I went. Paranoia infected the inner recesses of my psyche, not merely from the eyes of my vampire brethren, but from the very cosmos, as though the world observed each step I took. Scrutinized me. Weighed me and found this new manifestation of myself wanting. It disquieted me, down to the pit of my soul.

I became an inconsolable and belligerent bastard.

Hunting lost its intrigue. Snapshots of my mortal life ebbed into my consciousness with maddening slowness and tainted the thrill with its imagery. I would see manifestations of Lydia while feeding and when the lifeless bodies of my victims dropped to my feet, I saw her face on them. Blinking past the sight did nothing to eliminate the shiver which ran up my spine. A week of flirting with the threshold of insanity brought me face-to-face with the truth. I was a troubled man with half his memories.

Although the prospect of recalling anything else should have scared me away from exploration, I pursued it nonetheless, as much teased as haunted by the gaps in my memory. I spent several nights pondering Lydia’s murder until the distorted memory of the knife sunk deep into her chest caused me to remember ripping her necklace from her throat. I furrowed my brow at the thought. Had I dropped the necklace or carried it with me? Through the haze of trauma, I could not remember either way at first.

It led me to Sabrina one evening. She and I strolled down the corridor, Sabrina tapping her long fingernails against her chin as she spoke. “What did happen to your personal effects?” she asked herself. “Honestly, Peter, I have no idea. Your clothing was covered in blood and the rest were just mortal trivialities.”

We passed another immortal as we walked down the corridor. Sabrina waved to him while I frowned. “Does that mean you threw them away?”

“The clothing, I’m certain, but Timothy might’ve stored away your other items.” Sabrina stopped and turned to face me. “Why do you want them anyway? Is something the matter?”

I thanked heaven my sunglasses concealed my eyes as they shifted away from her scrutiny. Shrugging, I buried my hands in my pockets. “Not exactly, no. I’m just having some issues with my…” I tapped my head twice. “… memories.”

Sabrina raised an eyebrow at me as my gaze returned to hers. “What about them?”

“They’re incomplete,” I said, attempting to guise my unease at what I did remember. “I can remember bits and pieces, but there are gaps that are bugging me.”

“Why do you need to know such things? That life is over.” Sabrina stepped closer to me, far closer than she had since the days of my awakening. Her fingers brushed through my short, brown hair and tousled the locks. “You are not a mortal any longer, dear. Why trouble yourself with the recollection of being one of those inferior humans we consume? You are forming a new life. Let the past lie in the grave.”

“I know, but it’s important to me.” I caught one of my useless breaths in my throat when her fingertips slid past my cheek, her razor nails dragging across the flesh in a deliberate manner. “I… need to fill these blank spaces in so I can move on. Otherwise, they’ll keep nagging at me.” I attempted a disarming smile. “And we don’t want that, right?”

“You concern me, my son.” One finger coasted past my lips, until her hand dropped to her side abruptly. She sighed and looked me in the eyes, nodding. “If it will help you put matters to rest, then I will look for your mortal possessions. Beyond the clothing, what were you carrying?”

I glanced away, indulging in a steadying sigh to calm my spirit past the lingering sensation of Sabrina’s touch. Focusing on my blurred recollections, I played the mental picture of me stabbing Lydia a million times over, studying myself and my appearance. “A watch. I’m sure a wallet. Some keys and … .”

I paused. The image of Lydia’s necklace in my hand shot a tingle through me as I saw my former self slide his hand into his pocket.

“And what?” Sabrina asked.

Shaking off the recollection, I looked at Sabrina again. “And a necklace, I think.” I tried to conceal my enthusiasm over that last object, not having the slightest notion myself why it held my interest. My nervous gaze met Sabrina’s. “The necklace would at least be worth pawning.”

Sabrina eyed me for a few tentative moments before nodding. “Very well. I will have Timothy look for your personal items.” Without any further words given over to the matter, Sabrina turned and walked away from me and within two days’ time, a small bag containing these items found their way to my doorstep. I took it with me into my private quarters and dumped its contents onto my unmade bed. I did not see the necklace right away, though.

Instead, I saw the keys and wallet I expected. The driver’s license verified my identity and my last place of residence  It held little interest for me, as did everything else in the sparse collection of mortal items. A small amount of money. Other forms of identification and old receipts tucked into various pockets in my billfold. Sitting on my bed in an exasperated huff, I threw the wallet across the room and slid the other items onto the floor without any further thought. As my eyes shot to the bed, however, I caught sight of something shimmering atop my black sheets.

The thin chain attempted to disappear within the folds of bedding before my fingers pinched it and raised it level with my line of sight. Even through my sunglasses, I noticed dried blood streaked across the pendant, staining two hearts with a thorny rose atop. On an impulse, I licked the blood from it, but dropped the jewelry when the remnant burned my tongue. I hissed at it on instinct, leaving it to lie with the other discarded items.

Shortly thereafter, the dreams commenced.

***

These were no mere shadows slipping from behind the veil; full-fledged memories took flight through my mind, painting animated snapshots of my mortal existence in its entirety. I saw twisted metal and death. I felt an ancient ache in my leg, although it was psychosomatic. I saw the youth I once was and bolted awake from a sound slumber on more than one occasion as the defining moment in my life played out in visceral nightmares.

Not that it was the first moment I recalled my parents were killed in a car accident. I remembered telling Sabrina about it in the coffeeshop without recalling all the details. John and Marjorie Dawes gained life inside my mind, however, and lost it just as fast as reverie gave it to them. I was a petrified thirteen year old when they died and their death changed the entire course of the rest of my life.

My father, a service veteran, met my mother in England and they married within months. Home became a farm in the middle of Pennsylvania and together, my parents created an environment of discipline and faith surrounding me, one that possessed the warmth found in television shows and wistful paperbacks. I was a rebellious, headstrong only child, but I never had cause to question my parents’ love for me.

It all ended in a car accident, giving birth to the real Peter Dawes.

The ambulance carried me, the sole survivor, from the scene with a compound fracture in my right leg as my battle wound. The wreck left an indelible mark on me, even after I was sent to live with my father’s sister in the suburbs of Philadelphia. An uncertain future as an orphaned boy with an aunt and uncle he only knew through family-related events left me petrified as it was, but lingering memories of the accident also haunted my thoughts. After the first of two surgeries to repair my broken leg, I found myself peering around the room, recalling the hell of watching two parents succumb to their injuries. I cried once at the funeral, but no more after that. The rest of the time was spent ruminating on a fledgling form of survivor’s guilt.

Had I been a doctor, the possibility existed that I could have saved them. After a day of musing on this notion, my mouth opened with questions for my physician. How did he come to practice medicine? What type of schooling did he receive? The singular motivation to become a doctor possessed me as though I could bring my parents back from the grave, and the saint which emerged from the carnage of a mangled automobile held a religious passion to save souls with a stethoscope and scalpel. Everyone I met from that point forth saw the would-be doctor and extolled my determination.

Now, I murdered the lot of them with my teeth.

The ghosts shouted in louder tones

My mother joined Lydia in the chorus. A transplanted German, she lived in Great Britain for half her life and developed a strange accent in the process; a confluence of Bavarian and British which stretched across the years to accuse me of my sins. “You let the devil in, Peter,” she said. “And now you’ve become a demon yourself.”

My father, looking at me through the sweat of his brow. The man who instilled the work ethic which pushed me through college and medical school. “Have you forgotten what you were?” he asked. “You used to care for people, Pete. Remember what I told you; if you lose your love for others, then you risk losing your humanity.”

I held my head in both hands, screaming past the sound of all the people I knew as Dr. Peter Dawes. “Who are you?” they asked. “Where is the Peter we loved?” I spent nights arguing with them, my wandering footsteps leading me throughout Philadelphia as the vampire sought to feed and the mortal died a little more with every human I consumed. Two months past my awakening now and the dualism had me so at odds with myself, I agonized over every person I stalked as though I could survive without their blood.

When I fed, though, I reveled in the taste again. I wore a wicked smile and drank until the demise of one sated the needs of the other. The fledgling vampire did not wish to give his life and yet, mortal and immortal sides could not reconcile. The voices persisted in their unrelenting mission to silence the bloodthirsty immortal. They might have succeeded if not for one thing.

Their sainted doctor was a hypocrite. The immortal gritted his teeth and issued a response. “An impostor,” I said. “No benevolent doctor kills two people in cold blood, one the woman he was going to marry. He had all of you fooled. The man was as much a murderer as the vampire he begged to become.” When my ghosts could not issue a response, the immortal planted its roots as deep into my soul as my imagined accusers seemed to be. My erratic behavior did not go unnoticed, though.

The coven watched me lose my grip and listened as I carried on inside the confines of my private quarters. I railed and ranted until the walls shook. I fought immortal thirst during nights when the chilling memories kept me indoors. It drove me mad with bloodlust in the process. My violent outbursts sent my housemates clamoring to Sabrina for relief when it got to be too much.

Peter the vampire was going insane. Something needed to be done at once.

***

Ten weeks after my awakening, the whole manic episode came to a head with a knock at my door. It broke me from my internal battle, with another sunset passing only to find the tortured immortal shaking off the relics of his past. Once again, I sat on my bed, fingers tangled in my hair as I shuddered through an escalating craving for blood. Shooting a quick look at the entryway, I furrowed my brow when a voice followed the gentle tapping. “Dear Peter,” Sabrina said, a hint of annoyance in her voice. “Please open up, I wish to speak with you.”

I glanced around my room as I stood and walked to the door, dizzy from the effort, but not about to have Sabrina enter and see the state of my quarters. When I opened the door, I looked through a crack and nothing more. Sabrina raised an eyebrow at me with her lips pursed in a frown. “How long will you do this to yourself?” she asked. “I’ve been told you continue to torture yourself and the people around you and have grown quite irritable in the process. This is becoming a bit taxing, Peter. It must stop.”

I stared at her until I was forced to look downward. “I don’t know what to do about it,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper.

“About what, dear son?”

I shook my head.

Sabrina grabbed my chin, forcing me to look her in the eyes. “Tell me why you have been in such a foul mood lately or I shall take those glasses away and leave you to writhe in pain in a well-lit room. First, Michael tells me you have been acting snippy with him. Then, you ask for your old personal effects. And now, you have become insufferable. Locking yourself within your quarters. Carrying on; being a nuisance to your brethren, who all clamor at me telling me you have gone insane.” She paused, but her eyes shot flames at me. “I demand a response from you.”

My eyes dove into hers until I could no longer hold back the words. “Ghosts, Sabrina. I keep. . . seeing people I knew when I was mortal. They’ve been torturing me nonstop and I can’t shut them up.”

“So, you become the coven terror.” Sabrina forced the door open and grabbed my hand. “Come now, Peter. We will converse in the common area. You have need of removing yourself from this room before I am forced to hire someone to renovate it.”

After weeks of wrestling, I had no strength to fight her, so I acquiesced to the coaxing, even when I spied a group of onlookers watching from the hallway, snickering at me. I sneered back at them and closed the door to my room. Then I followed Sabrina to the staircase.

Neither of us spoke until Sabrina broke the stillness at the top of the stairs. “Dear son, I told you at your awakening that this would not be easy and, in some regard, I think I took too much for granted when I saw you embrace this new life you were given. Your memories have not been kind. I had no idea they would cause this much pain.”

“There are constant voices, Sabrina,” I said. “Every day. Every time I try to feed or sleep, I see those I used to know, reprimanding me for being a vampire. Sometimes I see their faces on my victims and it sends a shiver up my spine.” I frowned, shaking my head. “I feel like it’s going to rip me in two.”

“Rip you in two?”

“Into this bleeding heart mortal that listens to the voices and the immortal who still enjoys the kill.”

Sabrina nodded, but said no more. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, we turned toward the grand parlor where my brethren once received me with open arms as the newest member of their collective. Now, the reception was a bit different. The other vampires watched me with disdain, provoking me to frown as I gazed away, not apt to make eye contact for the time being. Sabrina, however, received nods and bows of respect, which she reciprocated.

I indulged one immortal a final glance. My eyes met Michael’s when I sensed him studying me from across the room. Suppressing a hiss of rebuke, I looked back at Sabrina. She paused beside two empty chairs.

Sabrina sat and crossed her legs. “I fear you are on the path to self-destruction,” she said sighing, her eyes shifting away. “And such would be a pity, not only to us, but to the vampire collective as a whole, if we were to lose a being such as yourself.”

“What? A brooding, neophyte vampire?” I asked as I dropped defeated into the chair beside hers.

“You do not know all ends to this matter.” Sabrina paused, as if turning a notion around in her mind before nodding to herself and folding her hands atop her lap. “I did not plan on telling you this for some time, but you need a bit of motivation. My child, there is a bit more to your identity than even you are aware of.”

I scoffed. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Your eyes. You have dealt with this infirmity, but have never asked me why they are this way.”

“You mean there’s a reason for this?”

“There is an explanation, yes. Or, at least, this is what I suspect is the case. You are a unique being; it is difficult to know for sure that one matter has caused the other.”

“Sabrina I have no idea what you’re . .”

“You have the Second Sight,”  Sabrina said, interrupting me. “Gifts beneath the surface which have yet to emerge. Your infirmity is the sign of something greater.”

“You call this a gift?” I pointed at my sunglasses. “All I see is a curse here.”

“Only because you choose to see it that way.”

“Is there any other way to see it? To see any of it? If it tortures us so much to be vampires then why don’t we all just kill ourselves and get it over with?”

“You are the tortured one, child.” Sabrina frowned at me. “You are the one who has allowed these visitors from your past to dictate what your life is worth and now, you see ill where you should find delight.”

I sighed and studying the rug beneath my chair. “Delight in what?”

Sabrina inched forward in her seat. I looked into her eyes again. “Do you not recall it? The way it felt when you fed from your first victim? Have you not experienced it since then when you have killed? When you have relished the blood of the feed and allowed yourself to experience it as only immortals can?”

“Yes, there was a time, but I can’t even enjoy the kill anymore.”

“Because you look at immortality like a mortal. You are not one any longer, dark son. You are something far better.” Sabrina grinned. “A higher being, if you will. And you, with gifts precious few creatures possess. Bonded to immortal form, they could make you a formidable vampire someday, if you allow yourself to become what you are destined to be.”

Scoffing, I shook my head. “I think you’re telling me what you think I want to hear. I don’t have any special talents.”

“I speak the truth.”

“Then explain this second sight bullshit.”

Sabrina shrugged. “You will recognize it when you see it. But it will never find you if you continue to cower instead of evolving into the killer you are meant to become.”

“Evolving?” I huffed, pointing about the room as I spoke. “I look at the others and don’t see evolution. I see a group of lazy, decadent creatures. They hate me and I hate them, too.”

She smirked. “You are part of a coven. Everything you fire at your brethren will be returned tenfold. They see your inability to assimilate and think you spiteful, Peter.”

Turning away with revulsion, I spoke before I could stifle my disgust. “I hate when you call me that,” I said, muttering the words.

Sabrina hesitated before replying. “When I call you what? Peter?”

“Yes, when you call me Peter. I don’t know who the hell I am now, but every voice inside my head makes sure to tell me that I am not Peter any longer. I get sick and tired of hearing them say that name.”

My brow knitted at the sight of Sabrina’s eyes. The impish orbs of brown danced with amusement and her crimson lips curled in a smile. “Well then, dark child,” she said. “If you dislike this name and wish to distance yourself from this Peter who troubles you, why don’t you change it?”

“Change my name?” I asked. “Because it’s what you all call me. Besides, if I change it, then Michael won’t be able to call me Peter the Blind anymore.”

Sabrina laughed and I could not help but succumb to a quick grin. “You harbor such disdain for him,” Sabrina said. “I have never seen two vampires in the same coven so at odds with each other. But once again, you fail to take note of your attitude, my son. What you dish to him will be returned.”

“I don’t dish anything to him.”

“A proper amount of respect might be nice. He is my second-in-command, after all.”

“Right, sure.” I narrowed my eyes . “Maybe when he shows me a little respect, too.”

Sabrina sighed. “There is much Michael could teach you. You could become fast friends.”

“When hell freezes over.” Looking away, I frowned, moving back to the point at hand. “So, what am I failing to do, then?”

Sabrina touched my face, directing my attention back to her. As our eyes met through the lenses of my glasses, Sabrina sank her gaze into mine as though she could behold the bright, blue irises staring back at her. It unnerved and excited me all at once. She could have kissed me and I would have plunged into the embrace without a second thought. She kept her distance, however, while maintaining an intimate closeness at the same time.

“You are not the same creature you once were,” she said. “You are the vampire who rose and sank his teeth into that mortal girl, regardless of what these shadows of your past try to tell you. You can feel him, can you not, my dark son?”

I nodded in a daze. “I feel him every time I kill,” I said. Thoughts of feeding reawakened the thirst in me, causing a deep groan to ebb from my throat before I could stop it. “Oh, the taste of blood is incredible.”

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” Sabrina leaned closer still,  her lips touching my ear. “That is the vampire speaking, my dear. That is the immortal you are supposed to be. Stop resisting the inevitable and stifling his pulse with the artificial heartbeat of humanity. That siren call is your true self speaking. And when you embrace your nature, you will discover gifts that would make the lot of your brethren jealous.” Sabrina backed away enough to wink at me. “Michael included.”

My eyes met hers. “What do I do then, Sabrina?”

Sabrina smiled. “Find a new identity, my unnamed one. And bid the mortal within to remain dead where we ended him; where you found your escape from the mortal world. Covered in the blood of those who dared to trifle with the dark killer you have become. Peter is dead and you thrive. Silence the voices with the blood you consume.”

I felt her place a kiss on my cheek before she stood and patted me on the shoulder. Walking away with a lithe, carefree air about her, Sabrina looked like a fallen angel and I felt a loyalty to her in that moment unlike any I had experienced before. With a sigh, I stared until she left the room and then, I focused on the others gathered around me.

Regarding them with interest, I admired those bound me as immortal brethren. I studied them, attempting to connect with them somehow while sensing a disconnect from them at the same time. They talked amongst themselves, drinking wine and blood and reclining about plush couches and pillowed chairs as though content to waste away eternity in utter decadence. I frowned. Perhaps I did need a new identity, but I could not abide by the prospect of being such a slothful waste of space.

I stood and recoiled against a slight wave of dizziness, sensing the vampire within clamor for attention. Yes, something had to change. I could not spend eternity scared of my own shadow, ignoring my base needs as an immortal. The hallowed argument resurfaced in my mind and I mouthed the words while snatching a glass of blood from a dark-haired vampiress named Rebecka. “Your doctor was a hypocrite,” I said, drinking the contents of the glass as though starved before wiping the remnant from my mouth and throwing the drained goblet at its previous owner.

Rebecka gasped in horror. I ignored her. The eyes of my coven brethren shifted toward me, undoubtedly wondering what the devil Peter was doing while I continued my argument. “You defend him and you tell me what to be, but none of you bastards can tell me why he killed his girlfriend. I don’t give a shit if he was a saint or not in your opinion, saints don’t slash through two people.”  I continued walking until I stopped in front of a set of Japanese swords mounted to the wall beside Asian-themed tapestries. My hand lifted to caress one of the blades without knowing why. I smiled. “Argue all you want, but there’s your real doctor. He’s a killer, just like me.”

“So, he speaks to himself like a madman. What the others say about you losing your mind is true.”

I turned at the sound of Michael’s voice, seeing him stand behind me with his hands inside the pockets of his fine linen pants. The regal, pompous bane of my existence, clad in a suit, his hair tied back once again as though the Victorian era came and departed while leaving Michael behind. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Was that directed at me?”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see who else I would be talking to. Unless you have imaginary people to accompany the voices in your head.”

I shrugged and looked back toward the wall. “Doesn’t matter either way. I plan on ignoring them now.”

“You do not have the resolve to accomplish that.”

Turning my head to regard him again, I furrowed my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re weak,” Michael said. He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’ve known that from the start, when you were writhing on that bed like we’d set you on fire. And you have been utterly useless ever since.”

“Oh, I see,” I said, huffing a chuckle. “So, I take it that you rose and immediately became the king of all vampires.”

“I certainly didn’t scream like a stuck pig.” Michael folded his arms behind his back and paced around as if sizing me up. I turned to face him fully and watched. “Utterly useless,” he repeated, eyes surveying me from head to foot. “Nothing more than a deathless mortal. And an insane one, at that. You will be nothing but a burden to this coven for all of your miserable existence.”

“You have a lot of room to talk, you reject from an antique store.” I shook off a wave of irritation as it surfaced in my consciousness. “You called me a madman? Well, what does speaking with a madman make you?”

Michael huffed. “As if your words could wound me. You are no better than our prey, Peter the Blind.”

I felt my fangs start to peek from their hiding place, and clenched my jaw to hold them back. “I’m going to love having a new identity and telling you to shove your pet name up your ass.”

“A new identity?”

I stepped closer to him. “Yes, I’m choosing another name. Thinking about going for a change of pace.”

“So we can mock another moniker instead?” Michael smirked.

“No, so I can show you just how little you actually know about other people. You’re nothing more than an arrogant prick.”

“And you an ignorant neophyte.”

“We’ll see just how ignorant I am.”

“Bold words for somebody afraid of his own shadow. As though you could show me anything.” Michael laughed. I saw his own fangs slumbering inside a sea of porcelain. “Do you think me just weaned from my mother’s breast? I have lived for many years while you have barely left a footprint on this mortal coil.”

The corner of my mouth curled upward. I stepped closer to him. We regarded one another from the span of mere feet now, and I closed the distance further with another stride. “How old does that make you, then?” I asked.

Michael’s blue eyes held mine steady. “One hundred and one years, with thirty-two mortal years prior to that.”

“And in all those years, you never checked the calendar?” My eyebrow raised in defiance, my eyes affixed on him with tension filling the space between us. “You look like you haven’t left the last century.”

“And you speak as though you were not educated in this one.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” I seethed.

“Let me tell you what I do know about you,” Michael said, a smirk enveloping his countenance that possessed such smugness, it made his words drip with malice. “I can tell you have no clue what you are now. That you have no notion of what it is to be an immortal despite what others have taught you and as such, do not deserve that title.” He paused. “I can tell one other thing, too.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked. I held his gaze and reciprocated it measure for measure. “What would that be?”

Michael’s grin broadened. “That I have an impotent coward of a being standing before me, not having the strength or the genitalia to keep his little girlfriend happy. It is little wonder she sought greener pastures. I would have as well.”

The anger bubbling up inside me burst in a glorious spectacle of fist meeting face. I punched Michael’s jaw before he could dodge the blow and the impact sprawled him on the ground, blood running from a cut on his lip. I had no chance to relish the moment. Michael came to his feet and hissed at me, fangs elongated. I hissed in return.

He wished a fight?

I was more than willing to oblige.

Michael swung for me. I moved out of the way prior to impact, but failed to dodge the other fist when it came for my face. He avoided breaking my sunglasses only by a hair’s breadth and I was not going to give him a second chance. I tackled him and threw another punch, smashing him on the cheek.

A crowd gathered around us. Michael threw me off him. The force sent me flying into a group of onlookers. They remained on the floor while I came to my feet, woozy and wobbly at first from hunger. Rage compensated for what I lacked in nourishment, though, and powered the violent swings I threw in Michael’s direction. He dodged one and captured my hand with the next swing, crushing my fist with all the immortal strength he could summon. I gasped in pain and kneed him in the stomach. The blow doubled him over.

Then, I kicked him on the chin and sent him flying onto his backside again.

Hate shot from Michael’s eyes as he stood, his hair half-hanging out of the ponytail and his suit dirty and disheveled. Hands balled into two weapons ready for their target, he stalked me. The intimidating look in his eyes caused me to step backward. Venom should have been dripping from his fangs. The full measure of a vampire pounced at me and before I had chance to react, he hefted me by the fabric of my shirt and snarled into my face. “I care little for what she says you are,” he hissed. “You were a mistake.”

Michael threw me. I sailed through a wooden door. It buckled and splintered. When I landed on tiled flooring on the other side, the impact knocked my glasses from my eyes. The effect was instantaneous.  Light burned my pupils and I wailed in agony while cupping one hand over my violated eyes.

A shiver ran up my spine. I rolled onto my stomach and groped with my free hand for my sunglasses. It took several frustrating seconds for my fingers to locate the frames and slip them over my eyes. No sooner did I come to my knees with glasses on, however, a sharp point touched my throat just above my Adam’s apple.

Opening my eyes, I swallowed hard and looked up to find Michael standing before me, a European-styled sword in hand. “Beg for your life,” he said, “And I might allow you to retain it.”

I was in the perfect position for doing just that. I smiled when I peered around the room, though, noticing the knives and swords, some hanging on the walls and others arranged on display shelves like prized jewels. Sabrina’s armory surrounded me, whispering sweet temptation into my subconscious.

I looked back at my older, more regal brother and sneered.

With that, round two of our fight commenced.

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Story Beginning

Chapter Three

The taste of blood far sweeter than I could have ever imagined, it remained on the tip of my tongue as though taking up residence there. The lasting memory of the woman from whom I drank burned upon my soul as an everlasting tribute, the experience without parallel, although, truth be known, I did not have much with which I could compare it. Regardless of how hard I tried, I still did not recall who this man named Peter had been prior to waking.

The fleeting recollection of Lydia remained the sole concept I possessed of who I was, and even that painted a grim picture. I saw myself crying toward the night sky, expressing remorse over the knife wounds I had inflicted, but another piece to the puzzle provided a sharp contrast to my tear-stained repentance. The sight of blood; I remembered slitting the throat of the man in Lydia’s bed and knew I had enjoyed it. My vampire instincts reveled in it, taking hold of it as proof Sabrina was right. I was born to be a killer.

That moment marked the genesis of a dichotomy.

The seed planted did not bear fruit immediately. At first, the gaping, black holes forming my past life were a wide enough berth for the fledgling vampire to roam free. My new condition had me far too enamored to search too long and hard for my long-lost recollections and as such, I merely lived within the moment, with no thought or reservation given over to what I did. Blood seared my conscience nearly from the start.

The morning after my awakening, I returned to my new quarters after a night spent becoming acquainted with the other immortals in the coven. More crimson was spilled and wine and decadence teased me with a hint of nights yet to come. I fell to sleep like clockwork at sunrise and all was black until the reign of dusk.

The very next evening, the siren call of night threw my eyes open and woke the thirst the moment I waded into consciousness. By the time Sabrina entered my room, my fangs ached and slid out of their own volition. My eyes gravitated toward what she held in her hands. The scent of blood became pervasive throughout the room.

“My young one hungers,” Sabrina said the moment she saw my eyes consumed with lust; teeth elongated. She sat beside me, handing over a goblet filled to the brim with that thick, crimson liquid I worshipped and I consumed it with vigor, drinking down each drop as if starved. She watched with bridled enthusiasm.

The smile touching her lips became especially pronounced when I wiped the remnant from my mouth and asked, “Why didn’t you have me feed from a mortal?”

Her eyes danced. In that moment, the sensuality she wore in her very posture spoke to me. It was little wonder she caught my eye as a mortal; she appeared to have the capacity to lure the most jaded eye if only she would use her seductive wiles against them. A simple response drifted past luscious lips. “Because tonight, we are going to teach you how to hunt,” she said. Little did I know that the concept latent in those words would thrill me beyond measure. By the time she led me from my room, entrusting the short-haired vampire present for my awakening – Timothy – with the task of assisting me, the sadistic impulses present during my first feed were buzzing as an undercurrent in my psyche once again.

It should be noted none of this would have been possible without the glasses which found their way onto my face. Before Sabrina presented me to the others, we tested the lights only to find they still burned my eyes with unadulterated agony, something which both surprised and did not surprise Sabrina all at once. When I asked about it, I was told, “This just makes you unique, dear,” before she turned to Rose – the woman and third member of the silent jury – telling her to procure the darkest pair of lenses she could find.

She received no help from Michael in the venture. Truth be known, Michael raised my ire beyond my initial assessment of his condescending manner the more I dealt with him. On my way outside with Timothy to hunt, I passed Michael in the vestibule. We exchanged a look of mutual disdain before severing the gaze. I dismissed it, but only for the time being, in favor of focusing on the task at hand.

The lesson itself was as rudimentary as biting a mortal and the hunt enchanted me just as much. My instincts took hold of being a predator, my ears only distantly hearing Timothy speak of matters such as scent and the harmony of their pulse. The first mortal to cross our path became my next victim and their death was just as insignificant to me as the victim from the previous evening. The thrill of stalking them enamored me far more. So much, in fact, that I pushed my fledgling mortal memories onto the back burner for the time being.

The following nights were spent lavished in blood and lessons. Sabrina summoned me to the common area the next evening and left me in Michael’s care, saying, “Teach your brother the things he needs to know.” Her instructions seemed to leave a poor taste in both our mouths. I thanked heaven for my visual infirmity at that moment, as my sunglasses blocked the annoyed look in my eyes while Sabrina walked away. Michael huffed and motioned for me to follow him toward the opposite end of the room.

“Well, now that you’re a vampire, we must keep you from destroying yourself in neophyte stupidity,” Michael said as we passed several of the others. His manner of speech struck me as odd for the first time, an erudite marriage of British and Irish with a properness present in Timothy’s more American accent as well. I glanced around the room and took stock of the well-tailored suits and handmade dresses surrounding me, making my hand-me-down shirts and slacks pale in comparison. In that instant, I realized I had been reborn into a haven for bloodthirsty sophisticates.

“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”

My gaze shifted back to Michael, a sarcastic grin accompanying my response. “Loud and clear,” I said. “Keep the idiot from killing himself, right?”

“So long as you understand your station.” Michael perked an eyebrow, regarding me in silence for a moment before looking away and continuing. He did not bother to sit when I did, merely paced around avoiding eye contact as he laid out before me the first of several instructions.

It did not take long for me to discover that most of what mortals know about vampires is absolute nonsense. Certainly, the rumor about feeding on blood revealed itself in all its naked honesty as did another vital tenant which Michael laid out before me in the very first lesson. “When you see the sky lighten, you must seek refuge at once,” he said while leaning against the wall. “Do not question how many minutes you may have. Get inside before the sun has chance to rise.”

“What will happen if I’m caught outside at daytime?” I asked.

Michael huffed. “Well, we shall be certain to sweep up your remnant when the sun sets.”

“What do you mean by ‘remnant’?”

“Dust, dear brother.” Impatience dripped from the term of endearment. “You will be dust and nothing more. There’s a good reason why it’s called a curse.”

I perked an eyebrow, but did not ask him to elaborate any further. Although the word curse manifested itself multiple times, the picture he painted hardly seemed like a curse to me. Yes, stakes through the heart would kill us, as would decapitation. Starving us would weaken us to the point of death and possibly push a neophyte over the edge. The young ones must feed, he said, and I certainly had no qualms with this. I was well on my way to indulging the hunt like an art form. From there, the dismissal of superstitions surfaced; holy water was nothing more than water, crosses were religious iconography, and garlic a mortal delicacy and nothing more. Michael barely touched on the sensual aspects of being immortal, but he had no need of doing so. I discovered it well enough on my own.

The night a tender lover, it whispered tempting prospects in my ear each evening. The moment for which all of immortal kind live soon would follow – cutting past flesh, dining on crimson running from mortal veins. Dark, warm, and satisfying; I indulged it for two blissful weeks of ignorance, becoming more attuned my amplified senses each time I stalked and fed.  My new eyes, sensitive though they were, possessed a level of awareness I was certain they did not have when I was mortal. Tools of a hunter, they could track any moving creature within the darkness and in detail, at that. My sunglasses did nothing to hinder them.

My hearing had become amplified as well, but neither my eyes, nor ears, were what held me hostage the most. No, that honor belonged to my senses of smell and taste. Invigorating, they fueled one to become that much more clever of a killer, so as to savor the consumption of one more blessed soul before discarding it and moving onward. The chase was thrilling, yes. Our limbs moved with strength, agility, and flexibility mortals could only dream of possessing. None of this, however, could surmount the smell of fear and the taste of warm blood as it cascaded down our throats.

Sustaining the disconnect between what I once was and that which I had become gave me no problem at first, but little did I know how fleeting my blissful ignorance was to be. As I stalked a mortal one evening – alone now, having proven myself able to hunt without detection – the cadence of a whisper grew in volume and jarred me straight from the feed with my victim only half-depleted. I heard a voice speak in my head and a name resurfaced like an unwelcome visitor from the grave.

Lydia.

Something other than the vision of her dropping dead at my feet came rushing through the newborn vampire haze and brought me face to face with a creature who looked strangely familiar. In my thoughts, I saw a reflection of the person whose identity she called outward, a tall man with sympathetic blue eyes. That man had been me.

“Peter Dawes, I love you.”

The first time my full mortal name surfaced and it occurred with a woman clinging to the final spark of life, my arms wrapped around her with my fangs still deep inside her neck. I pulled away and took several deep breaths, having no need of the air, but plenty of need for steadying my thoughts. The dam of recollection had yet to burst, but water sprang from a hole and threatened to bring down the remaining infrastructure.

Who was Peter Dawes?

This proved to be the most dangerous question I could possibly ask myself, threatening to shatter the new life I embraced. I finished the woman and discarded her lifeless body, but my steps back to the coven house were uncertain, my mind tracing over the question again and again. Images of me screaming into the night sky resurfaced and the guilt – the horrible, wracking guilt – which held me in its unrelenting throes the night I died replayed as though I’d lost all control of my mental faculties. Who was Peter Dawes? Whomever he had been, he did not revel in death nearly as much as I did.

In fact, he seemed to loathe it. To the point of inconsolable madness.

My rest that morning was unsettled for the first time in my short, immortal life. I tossed and turned, seeing dualistic pictures play out of my mortal self murdering two people and subsequently losing his mind. This Peter seemed closer to the Peter who first woke, petrified over the change that had taken place within him. He cowered in the corner of my mind, until I woke and the instincts of a vampire silenced his voice and brought temptation back to my doorstep.

That evening, my brethren knew something was the matter with me. I became short with each one and especially with Michael when his attitude flared once more. “What is it, Peter? Having a difficult evening?” spilled forth from his lips with taunting sarcasm. I ignored it that evening, but the taunts only continued.

Especially when the memories began to escalate.

Searching for my identity only wound the clock backward, playing memories as though watching a movie on rewind. The more I sought myself, the more I realized what I found buried deep inside was no vampire. Peter Dawes not only loved the woman he sent into the abyss of death, he protected life itself with determination. A cast of characters manifested themselves inside my psyche, looking for something other than this pale-faced creature when they dove into the recesses of my soul.

They sought someone benevolent; someone with a passion for life and a vitality for what he did. Sitting alone in my room with bloody sweat running down my forehead, words flew forth from my lips as though I was possessed. “Doctor. . . Dr. Peter Dawes. Resident. Emergency room physician. Temple University Hospital.” I shook and shivered, looking at my hands and seeing the pallor of death upon me. I imagined the red which stained my hands after I murdered Lydia. The blood of other victims joined her, others whose names I did not know. The ones I killed to sustain my immortal life.

Death, death; all around me was death. “What have I become?” I muttered to myself, clutching onto my own body as a frightful cold descended into my bones. I searched memory after memory, trying to determine how I started down this path in the first place, but my initial attempts were all in vain.

It was not until I remembered Sabrina that I received the answer to my question.

***

The man who would become a killer found immortality in the most unlikely of places.

As my mortal memories resurfaced, I started to recall a coffeeshop, filling the mental image with context as random details surfaced. Things such as the crowds I used to see, when human beings were more than prey to me, materialized, as well as the thoughts I entertained when I found myself contemplating the state of my life. This is how she found me, my eyes distant while I mused with sadness over my relationship with Lydia.

It was all the timing in the world a vampiress needed to lure her latest conquest.

Lydia and I had been together for over two years and although I could not recall everything about our years together at first, I did know that things changed by the time my dark dance with immortality began. My girlfriend and I once knew such closeness with one another and yet, it all seemed to be slipping away, given over to the distance of busy lives spent immersed in differing pursuits. I brooded over the sands of time, noting their pace outran my quest for happiness.

Sabrina sat across from me and startled me away from my thoughts.

I looked up at her, jumping at the sudden appearance of the woman who would become my red-headed coven mistress. Her lips pursed together and her hands knitted on her lap. She crossed her legs and regarded me with interest.

I raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her. “Can I help you?” I asked.

Sabrina lifted a hand and used it to cradle her head as her elbow leaned against the arm of the chair. She was vivacious, yet mature and distinguished at the same time. I noticed the long nails that jutted from her fingers as an afterthought. “I’ve never seen such a young man appear as though he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders,” she said. “You have me curious.”

I shook my head. “Life,” I said, spitting out the best summary of my thoughts I could fashion. “I’m just thinking about life, that’s all.”

“That’s a pretty weighty subject, Mr. . .”

“Dawes, but please call me Peter.”

“Peter,” she said, allowing my name to roll off of her tongue as if tasting it first to see if it agreed with her. She nodded. “My name is Sabrina, Peter. A pleasure to meet you.”

I nodded in return and reached forward. “Likewise.” We exchanged a handshake over the table before sitting back in our seats once more. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before,” I said in the effort to strike up conversation.

“I take it that means you’re a regular,” she said, an amused glint remaining in her eyes as they plunged deeply into mine.

I did not mind the scrutiny, although I am certain I should have. “I’m a doctor at the hospital just up the street. I come here often.”

“Ah, a doctor.” Sabrina looked at my hands and allowed her gaze to remain on them as she spoke. “Steady, strong hands.” Her eyes lifted back toward mine. “And eyes that see a bit of death, I’m sure.”

I frowned at the thought. “More than you can begin to imagine.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Beyond the operating table?”

I glanced at her, then looked away. “Mostly at the hospital, though I’ve seen it elsewhere. My parents were killed in a car accident.” I paused, reliving the traumatic experience without knowing why I was disclosing this to a complete stranger. “I was in the car, too; barely injured, but for a broken leg. They might have survived as well, but… .”

When I trailed off, I detected the slightest hint of excitement emanating from Sabrina. She spoke before I could acknowledge it. “What happened?”

I looked back at her. “I didn’t know how to help them. It took an hour for the police to arrive and I was too young to be able to do anything for them. That’s why I became a doctor. I wanted to help people.”

“Have you succeeded, Peter?”

“I don’t know how to answer that question.”

“Have you helped others avoid death?”

I frowned, my gaze drifting toward my hands. “That’s the one thing about death, I’ve discovered. Even when you try to avoid it, it comes looking for you anyway.”

“That it does, dear. The question is hardly whether it comes, but what it finds when it reaches you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She chuckled. “Some cower in fear at its presence and buckle when it looks for them, but others overcome it, Peter. They scoff at it and subjugate it, rather than allowing it to take possession of them. I rather prefer that attitude, don’t you?”

“No one can subjugate death, Sabrina. It happens to all of us.” I paused as a peculiar thought entered my mind. “Now, if only there was some way to avoid it altogether. I think I like that option much better.”

Sabrina grinned and allowed my comment to linger before offering her thoughts in return. With that simple confession, I am certain I sealed my fate.

We had several discussions after the fact which always came back around to the macabre. What sorts of things I witnessed in the emergency room; the people who arrived beyond help, the people who were brought back from the brink. The constant stream of death and near misses I was forced to gaze upon each and every night. Her words poisoned my thoughts the longer I spoke with her, until the evening she came right out and asked if I had ever treated puncture wounds.

I laughed and took a sip of my coffee. “Like knife wounds?”

“No, no, my dear,” she said. She raised a daring eyebrow at me. “I mean something like vampire bites.”

The statement nearly caused me to choke on my beverage. “Vampire bites? That’s absolutely insane. You have got to be joking with me.”

Sabrina laughed, cupping her hand over her mouth in the process. “Oh Peter, let’s say for the sake of argument that I’m not.” Composing herself, she cleared her throat and challenged me with her gaze, the corner of her mouth still curled upward in an amused grin. “Have you ever treated anything like that?”

“No, Sabrina. I’ve never treated vampire bites.”

Her smirk only broadened. “You find the idea incredulous, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” I scoffed. “Vampires are monsters in horror movies. They don’t exist.”

“You are certain of this?”

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes, but something caused me to stop, a strange premonition which had been making its presence more and more known within my consciousness. For as long as I could remember, there had always been a melancholy darkness shrouding my demeanor, but before I met Sabrina, I had not sensed it nearly so pronounced. Those days, however, it had started affecting the way I looked at everything and treated those surrounding me.

My temper started to surface a bit more readily. I had become more distracted. My normally-keen focus upon my work was given over to strange daydreams and notions, many of them chillingly horrific. Just as soon as they would surface I would shake them away, but in that moment, sitting in the coffee shop, I sensed the chill in my soul attempt to wrap its bony fingers around me once more.

“Think of it, dear Peter.” Sabrina’s voice drifted to me as though through a dream. “A being elevated beyond death. Fanciful notion or not, you have to admit it’s a tempting prospect.”

I perked an eyebrow at the notion. Was it a tempting prospect? My thoughts returned to what I had been mulling on earlier and painted a frown on my face. “Yes, you’re right,” I said. “Perhaps being a vampire wouldn’t be such a terrible thing.”

Sabrina studied me intently. “What troubles you, Peter? Once again, I see the weight of the world on those shoulders of yours.”

“Immortality,” I said, my gaze distant as I stared across the room. Thoughts of Lydia wove with whatever strange premonition had me in its throes. All at once, it caved in on me; her distance and our periods of separation. The surety I thought I had with her which was being replaced by two busy schedules and two ships passing in the night. Lydia’s own strange behavior with me lately. The suspicious nature of it all. I shook my head. “Just when you feel as though you have something reliable – something permanent – it starts slipping away from you. I wish I could be immortal and not have to worry about it. Worry about… time.”

“Immortality can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing, dear Peter.”

I scoffed and looked at her again. “I don’t see how that could be a curse, Sabrina. Everybody wants to live forever.”

“Not many people are able to handle the responsibility of being something permanent, though… Being something more than human.” She leaned forward in her chair, her eyes grabbing hold of mine in an unrelenting grip. “Mortals long for death without realizing it. Could you handle eternity, dear Peter? Would you accept it if it came to you?”

My voice sounded queerly subdued as I spoke again. “I only want the things in my life to stop changing with the wind.”

Sabrina’s voice lowered as well. “Things like your girl?”

“Yes, Lydia.” I closed my eyes. “We used to be inseparable, but she has not felt close to me lately. With each passing week, it seems as though we’re drifting apart and… .”

I opened my eyes in time to see Sabrina perk an eyebrow at me. “And what, Peter? Wanting different things, as often happens between two people? She in search of her own pursuits and you in search of permanence?”

I was unable to respond, but Sabrina continued as she turned her head askew to size me up. I felt her drift closer to me without moving at all. A shiver ran down my spine. “What do you desire, dear confused one? Permanence, or the fickle love of someone who could cast you away at a moment’s notice? Which would you seek more if the option to be immortal were valid?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, slack-jawed, as if in a trance.

“What if I could grant it to you? Here and now, on a silver platter. What would you ask for?”

“Immortality,” I droned. “I want to be sure about something for once in my life.”

Sabrina’s voice descended into whisper. “Then ask me for it.”

My eyes drifted shut as I spoke. “Give me immortality, Sabrina.”

“Open your eyes and claim it, dear child. Find your surety.”

My lids shot open. I stood and excused myself, mind swimming, compelled to do something other than sit there. I had called Lydia on the phone earlier. She broke off a date with me in favor of some inane excuse I could no longer recall, but somehow the discussion of what was lasting and what was transient gave me the inclination to head for Lydia’s and clear the air once and for all. I do not know why it had to be right then, however, and could barely recognize the anger and annoyance bubbling up inside of me.

Anger and annoyance which would place a butcher knife in my hands.

I was never to look upon the world with mortal eyes again after that night. For, as Sabrina watched me walk away, she had her own set of plans and was poised and ready to exact them. She found a searching, lost young man and rescued a murderer.

Now, Sabrina would make a trained killer out of me, in more ways than one.

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