Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

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Enjoy the Silence

The creeping sound of the inevitable is one I have learned to loathe and yet, something I have become accustomed to after fifty-five years on this mortal coil. Everything seems to have its own pulse and while a steady, healthy beat thumping in time with the rhythm of life lets us know the body around us is healthy, when the heart starts to fail, the results can be devastating.

“Words, like violence, break the silence…”

I knew there was something wrong when I looked into her eyes. The rhythmic ticking of our love’s pulse had slowed. Her gaze read of a hundred things, none of them pleasant. I saw pain. I saw torture. And when I opened my mouth, it took all of the effort I could muster for speech to break through the barrier of hesitation holding it back. I asked what was the problem.

“I saw Robin’s journal,” she said. She frowned. My stomach sank a little at the way her eyes glistened. “You weren’t going to talk to me about this?”

“I did not know how to,” I said, my eyes meeting hers with severity. “But there is no negotiating on this matter anyway. My mind is made up.”

“… come crashing in, into my little world…”

“Without coming to me? You have always been able to talk to me, about anything. We spoke of… hundreds of things in Philly. Some were things that made us cry, feel shattered and shredded by the end of the night. This is no different. ”

I frowned at the accusation of those words. A mind made up without the counsel of somebody I was supposed to love. Despite who else I might have gone to as I sought an answer to my dilemma, hers was the only opinion I did not seek. Because I knew where her heart laid.

“You would have never agreed,” I said. I shook my head and looked away. “So, I was saving us the argument.”

“I care what happens to you, I have and I always will.” The waver in her voice forced me to look back at her. A tear escaped her eyes, rolling down her cheek. “He promised me. ME! beloved. He promised ME!”

“… painful to me, pierce right through me…”

It should have impacted me harder than it did, but somehow I had become calloused to the sight of her tears. I shook my head. “This is not about you.”

“Except it is.” She scoffed. “What did you think my reaction would be? Do you expect me to just let you… kill him? I can feel him. He’s a part of me as well. If he dies do you not think a part of me will die also?”

“You immediately went there… did you not? I came to you, confiding my fears, and you hurtle accusations that I am going to kill Flynn.” I laughed, incredulous. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? He is me, damn it!” I pointed to my chest. “And so long as I can help it, I am going to protect my lover.”

“Protect him by harming yourself?” She shook her head. “With all that has happened, I worry about you.”

“Nothing is going to go wrong.”

Our eyes met again. She frowned. “Why would you take Flynn away?”

“… can’t you understand, oh my little girl…”

Somehow, inside my silent chest, I found a pulse again, only it did not belong to she and me, to our love for one another. Instead, its cadence rang deep into the innermost corners of my soul, something strange and new, but lasting. A bond forged with iron, woven with cords unable to be severed by human hands. I swallowed hard and nodded. “I would do anything to protect him.”

“… All I ever wanted…”

“Is that all you were thinking about?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Yes, him and him alone.”

“… all I ever needed is here, in my arms…”

“But, Peter…” She leaned against the wall as though her footing suddenly became unsteady. “After everything that happened, we agreed that we were going to work through this. All of us.”

“I know what we agreed upon, but it is no longer acceptable.”

“… words are very unnecessary, they could only do harm…”

“How can you say that?”

“I cannot take the risk any longer.” I stepped away, turning my back on her and folding my arms across my chest. “This is all just one big game of Russian Roulette. I cannot sit around waiting for the day that Flynn hijacks my emotions or loses all sense of control himself and is the one who hurts somebody I love.”

“When did we vampires become so fearful of things that have not happened? Of wonderings in the future of this and of that? When did that happen?”

“When I realized how tied my feelings are often to Flynn’s responses.” I paused, sighing when I noticed the octave of my voice raise. “I told you; you saw what I said to Robin. I am… merging us. Making myself responsible for all of the actions which take place inside this body for once. Good or bad; I want control over it all.”

“… Vows are spoken to be broken…”

“But he promised me…” Her voice cracked when she spoke. “Flynn gave his word and has not done anything to prove his words false. He has never broken a promise to me and I doubt he ever will.”

“And I know him a bit better than you do.” I sighed. “All it takes is one false move — one slip up — and in a matter of seconds everything I hold dear can be taken away from me.”

“… feelings are intense, words are trivial…”

“But I would be there.” She nodded emphatically. “To protect Victor, I too would throw myself on a blade. I would do the same to protect you.”

“I do not want anybody to take the blade, do you not get it?!” The volume of my voice raised again despite myself. This time I did nothing to tone it down. “I do not want anybody’s blood on my hands. I do not want to black out and wake to death standing before me. I do not want injury done to a soul. I want… it… all… to… end!”

My words echoed around us. I covered my face, my hands shaking. “Do you know what it would do to me if I lost Victor?” I asked, my whisper a startling contrast compared to the shout still ringing in my ears. Lowering my hands, I looked at her and struggled to gage the expression on her face. Her eyes refused to make contact with me. Her arms crossed in front of her chest as though to hold herself, her hands touching her upper arms. I watched a tear descend from her eyes.

“A part of me is very tempted to take care of this problem my self. My solution is to call Flynn to me….take him to the weapons room and tell him to run me through!! If he ever breaks his word to me, this is what I will do and he knows it.”

“… pleasures remain, so does the pain…”

Another tear followed in its predecessor’s wake. I shook my head. “I refuse to play with lives. He refused, love. Victor refused to defend his own life to the point of my death and I confess now, asking him to was folly on my part. If the tables were turned, I would not be able to kill him to save my own neck. That he loves me this much is nothing short of a wonder to me, I…” I drew a shaky breath. “I want to guard and protect his life all the more because of this.”

“Do you think I want to play with lives?!” Her voice shot up to the pitch mine had been at a few moments prior.

I shook my head. “I never said that. You have to understand where I am coming from, though.”
She frowned and looked at me again. “You seem to be doubting my word that Flynn’s promise means something.”

“He’ll break it.”

“My pledge to control him?”

“… words are meaningless and forgettable…”

“It is not good enough any
longer.” I frowned. “You cannot be held responsible for his actions, Celeste.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but stopped as her eyes settled on something standing behind me. I turned around and looked, seeing Victor linger in the doorway, touching the frame with one hand while glancing from her to me and back again. He leaned against it, his facial expression even.

“I would be interested in knowing what Victor thinks of all of this,” she said.

Victor straightened at the mention of his name. He nodded, slowly. “My rocky history with Flynn aside, I see this as a chance for Peter to truly embrace what he is, to mend the rift that divided him so long ago. I want to see him at peace with himself, most of all. So more specifically, I think it is a good idea.”

She looked away from us both. Her voice descended to a whisper. “I have my own feelings on this, but they are a woman’s feelings.” When her eyes met mine, they asked the question before her voice ever did. “Do you still love me, Peter?”

“… All I ever wanted…”

I stared her in the eyes.

“… all I ever needed is here, in my arms…”

My gaze shifted over to Victor, regarding the man standing there before me, hearing the steady cadence of our shared pulse. He regarded me with a frown, knowing the answer just as plain as I did. I almost wanted to repeat the words again. ‘Forgive me.’ Only this time, I was not asking his forgiveness due to Flynn or any threats against his life. I knew my words were about to cost us something else.

I looked at her again. “No,” I said, punctuating the word with a sigh. “No… as much as I have been trying to rekindle that fire, I believe the hearth has grown cold.”

“But you love him.”

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. I looked at Victor and could not mistake it. The very fabric of my soul would unravel if I dared lie about it. “I love him with all my heart,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

“… words are very unnecessary, they could only do harm.”

She swiped at her cheeks, the tears brimming in her eyes finally spilling over. “What are your demands?”

“Demands?” I looked back at her. The word slapped against me, stinging me with what it implied. “I have no demands.”

She nodded. “Then I ask for the estate. To keep the children. You may see them whenever you want, but this is my home.” Her gaze flicked from me to Victor and back again before she turned to depart from the room without another word spoken amongst the three of us.

My eyes remained fixed on the area where she had been standing while that faltering rhythm of her love and mine faded into oblivion. It ceased beating before long. Tears welled in my eyes as the words escaped my lips. “I guess this is goodbye, then.”

I doubt she heard me speak the words.

“… Enjoy the silence…”

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